Popsicles Revisited.

So here we are again. Heinously sore throat, and no solution. A sore throat is so debilitating. How are you supposed to even lay still when your throat lining feelings like it is tearing 24 hours a day? Now, if you could see me you would see a girl who has an ice pack tied around her neck and a dumb look on her face because her prescribed Vicodin just kicked in, (yeah, the doctor thought it would help with the huge ULCERS in the back of my throat). But no, I just feel loopy and my throat is still throbbing. So, I desperately reach for a Popsicle, because what else is there to do? I get an orange, not my desired flavor but we've already covered that). I am trying to eat this Popsicle even though the sheer act of swallowing makes my eyes water. It isn't helping at all. Nothing is helping. Then I look down at the half eaten Popsicle, and I see part of the joke peaking out- you know how all Popsicles these days have jokes typed on the sticks? Now, I was thinking that Popsicles are a great summertime snack, and a healthy alternative to ice cream, BUT- They are also used for Strep throat (case and point), tonsil removal, wisdom teeth issues, and a myriad of other ailments to the mouth and throat. So, I was thinking that I really wished there was something encouraging on that Popsicle stick, like maybe, "everything is going to be OK." Or, "This pain will not last forever", or even, "Go to your happy place". Not that it would work- I would probably just curse at the stick and tell it to F-Off, but I think it would be better than a joke. I'm looking at that stick thinking, "I have a temperature of 102, my neck hurts, my throat is throbbing, I have to prepare myself every time I swallow, my head hurts from the fever, I am sleep deprived, and I can feel my pulse in my glands on my neck. Do you really think I want to read a F-ing joke right now?" It has become clear that the makers of these Popsicles need to put more thought into them, and I need to take a larger dose of Vicodin next time.

Funny Video

So, I had a long night at work and decided to post a funny video... you know, a little laugh therapy. I have always loved the comedian Michael McDonald from Madtv. When he pretends to be Stuart (a little boy), he is just hilarious. So here is a video of him being Stuart and Susan Sarandon being the tooth fairy.

Memory Lane

I have been having a bit of an identity crisis lately. I have these periodically-- I think that everyone probably does at one point or another. I used to attribute them to being around the time a new semester started, but now that I am out of school, I have just realized that my identity must enter crisis mode quarterly....
I was at my Mom's house tonight, and of course I was venting to her about my renewed frustration regarding my path in life and how I really would like it if my life could be like one of those books- you know, the ones where they tell you all of the options for the endings and you get to choose? I just feel like I have so many options that I don't know about... How am I supposed to choose without knowing all of my options?
Anyway, while I was at her house, I grabbed some bins to clean out that had some of my old stuff in them. I love the mystery of going through things like that, because you never know what you are going to discover- or what you may remember that your brain has hidden away somewhere. It was actually perfect timing, because at times of transition in your life, it becomes really easy to forget who you are, exactly. I found old notes and pictures that I haven't seen in a decade. It really helped me to remember where I came from and what my foundation is. It is bittersweet because things are so different now than when I was in middle school or high school, but some things are the same. I still have some of the same friends. It's weird to read a note from a friend talking about little kid things- like sleep overs and first kisses, and then to know that I am having dinner at her house tomorrow, where we'll talk about work and life over a glass of wine. Such a twilight zone- but it is so great to have people in your life besides your family that have known you for that long. They really become entrusted with keeping your history. They were there when you were a mischievous pre-teen, and when you were a rowdy teenager, and they will help you remember how you got here. That's what I needed tonight. To remember how I got here.

Holy Bajesus.

I came home from work tonight to this lovely house guest. Now, I am not one to squeal over bugs. I don't even really mind the occasional small house spider as long as it's not touching me. But this beast is not ok. This thing is like a spider on steroids. In fact, I made the mistake of googling it and found out that it is nicknamed a "Wind Scorpion" because it is so fast. I did find out that it isn't poisonous, but they do bite with their GIANT pinchers. The kicker is that I found this thing about a foot away from my bed on the wall. I know the pictures aren't great, but with the legs it was about the size of a quarter and I swear it would have gone for the throat. Now I am sitting at my computer wondering how I'll be able to settle into my bed tonight.

Huh?

Do these look related to you?
Both of these tomatoes came off of my pear tomato plant. There have been two of those big red ones so far, and I believe more to come. The latest little pear tomato actually looks like it is supposed to- all dainty and yellow.
I think the milkman was a plum tomato plant....

Holy Tanks, Batman!

First it's planes, now it's tanks. I'm hoping it'll be dragons next...

How Woman Can Maneuver In Home Depot

I have had to go to Home Depot a lot lately- just for random stuff. It was really challenging at first, but I finally figured out how to make Home Depot really easy. So, first of all, I always felt awkward there- like the minority. It's all men usually, with a few scattered women. Not only that, but it always seems like the men know exactly what they need and where to find it (I know this is a typical illusion). At first, I would go in there and feel totally overwhelmed at the immensity of the warehouse, the non-existence of any kind of directory (WHY???), and the space that you have to cover to get from one side to the other when you are wondering aimlessly. So all you ladies out there- this is how to do it:

1. Go into the doors, and randomly pick an aisle, any aisle. I don't care if you are looking for gardening gloves and you end up in lumber.

2. Then, stand about 1/4 of the way into the aisle- close enough to the end for someone to easily speak to you on their way by.

3. Finally, stand with an overwhelmed helplessness that tells everyone you need assistance- really let your eyes glaze over. Arms hang listlessly to your side, eyes looking up at the tall shelves.

I am telling you that some man- whether he works at the store or not will come and ask if you need help, he'll tell you what aisle it is in, and he will probably even walk you there to make sure that your incompetent self won't get lost along the way. He won't even judge you for being in a ludicrous aisle to begin with- you are simply a helpless female drowning in a sea of power tools and men. He'll fight the urge to say, "There, there" and go find you a warm blanket to wrap around your shoulders.

But seriously, this works. Try it next time. Today I found the ladders all by myself, but there was no one in sight to get one down for me. So, I ended up in fencing, glazed over, and about 5 mins later some man came and asked if he could help me. I took him back to the ladder and he retrieved it for me. No idea if he worked there or not. Who cares? These men feel so in power of their domain at Home Depot that they like need to show someone that they know how. I think that this is really an untapped resource ladies. Follow the plan and get in and out of the Depot in record time....