On The Upslope

Not to say that it isn't soon to return, but my panic seems to have temporarily subsided. Right now, I'm just really excited to get going. I'm really looking forward to the perks of being in another country- No car, no driving, no constant stops at the gas station to pay way too much money for a foul smelling liquid that runs our lives. I'll have a 3 month vacation from the habitual weirdos of downtown Denver, like the shouter who walks down my street every day at 11:30 AM yelling at the top of his lungs about Jesus- It is entertaining, especially when he's on his bike or playing the acoustic guitar, but too much of a good thing can be bad.
I've been e-mailing with my soon-to-be roommates and they all sound like very nice, articulate people; Which has put a lot of my living situation fears to rest for the time being.
So, right now I'm just really excited. I'm sure I'll have a systems failure sometime in the near future that may or may not involve me breathing into a paper bag and clawing at the uniform of a poor unsuspecting flight attendant, but I choose to do the "wait and see" thing. Why speculate? I like my panic attacks and quarter life crises to be out of the blue...why ruin the surprise?

I think the loose ends may send me over the edge before I board the plane...

Loose ends everywhere!!!!!
Did I pay off the bottled water people? Did I set up my accounts to shut off and on at the proper times? Will the people employed at these companies actually enter my info properly so that the accounts will actually do what I think they are supposed to do? How do I pay my rent, is my paperwork in order, don't let me forget to get a thousand copies of every important document I need! Where do I get a phone card, how do I work the phone card, what the hell is a phone card? I seriously think that my head might explode. I HATE loose ends and this experience revolves around them. On top of that we've just had the blizzard of the century and I can't actually accomplish anything. I feel like the clock is ticking and I'm running out of time.
At the same time, this blizzard gave me the opportunity to really sit and do NOTHING for 24 hours, which I really needed. I got to hang out with my Mom and bake stuff, play board games, and play in the snow. I'm looking at this blizzard like it's a goodbye present to me. This will most likely be the last snow I see this winter because I will be wintering in Florence. Florence is typically very cold and wet this time of year, but rarely gets any snow.
I also found out last night that I will be in an apartment with 4 other girls in Florence. Our apartment will be practically around the corner from the duomo, and close to everything. The best part is that I got a single room in this apartment! I'm so excited because now if my roommates are 19 year-old-binge-drinking-just-out-of-high-school students at least they won't be doing that in my room. Granted, my room is probably the size of a refridgerater box. But, it's still privacy, which is my greatest luxury right now. My poor mother...in celebration of this discovery (getting my own room) I spent 3 hours randomly blurting out that I had my own room at arbitrary times, many times shouting this across the house. She couldn't leave either, because of the blizzard of the century.
So, anyway, that's my deal. Freaking out a bit, crying at everything, trying to remain calm.
And by the way...

I GOT MY OWN ROOM!!!!!!

I was waiting for the panic to set in....

So, as you all know, I'm going to Florence, Italy for a semester. I basically have a lot of elective credits to finish off before I can graduate so I figured why not study random crap with a change of scenery? So I went with the birthplace of the renaissance (and Michaelangelo). I'm assuming that having constant access to chocolate gelato and The David will be worth it in itself. The thing is that I have been nothing but extremely excited- up until now. Now I have excitement with bouts of panic, doubt, and a little bit of a sick feeling...I didn't even see it coming either. For weeks I've been saying, "I don't know why I haven't panicked yet..." What I didn't know what it was creeping up on me and I didn't notice that I was panicking until I realized that I have been hiding in my house for a good week and a half. All I want to do is sit on my couch and watch t.v. with my dog. Don't really feel like going anywhere, doing anything, seeing anyone. Just totally content to hide in my apartment in a vegetative state. My poor dog is totally confused because I'm constantly squeezing her like she is some stuffed animal that doesn't need to breathe. The point is that I am panicking, quietly, but I will be ok. I may be a basketcase who is on edge and yells at customer service people and cries at touching commercials, but I'm going to get on that plane and keep you all posted. It may not always be pretty...I'm just giving you all fair warning. Exactly 3 weeks from today i'll be on my way.