Continuing a long tradition in my family, I like to go to the movies alone in the afternoon on my days off sometimes. I definitely look at it as a little escape from reality for a few hours where I can hide in the dark anonymously with my bag of popcorn or whatever and just check-out for a bit.
However, I really only go to see comedies and romantic comedies-and for good reason. I have enough stress going on in real life that when I pay to go watch a movie, I want to leave in a better mood than when I went in. I want the movie to give me a warm, fuzzy feeling to go back out into the world with. This is the precise reason why I DO NOT like watching horror/science fiction/scary movies. I will occasionally watch one in a well lit room surrounded by my friends, but I honestly can't remember the last time I did that. Also, older scary movies aren't too bad because back then the graphics and effects were pretty lame and it's not as scary. Not the case anymore. These days, movies are so scary and twisted that just the images give me the heebi jeebies without even knowing the plot. I am by nature a jumpy person, and I am just not built for that kind of stuff.
The last few times that I have gone to the movies (to see a nice, uplifting comedy by the way), there have been previews for horror movies before my movie comes on. These previews (as I am sure you all know) have that scary music and scene editing where it cuts to some one's terrified face and then to some image that is so disturbing to me that I can't get it out of my head. Today it was a zombie child with glowing eyes, walking in this bent-over-backwards, all fours, twisted position and his nasty dead face. I frankly have had enough. I didn't go to see a scary movie and I am not interested in seeing the trailers for horrific, nightmare conjuring previews. It's just not fair. I want pretty people falling in love in the midst of comedic scenarios where everyone has a happy ending and you get some good laughs. I don't want to have to leave the movies and put in a Disney movie in order to drown out the image of the dead kid. This madness has got to stop. The technology is too good now and things are just too scary- including the movie trailers.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Brothers and Sisters
If you all don't know already, I work at a place for kids that are removed from their homes for one reason or another. It is definitely a trying job, and we see all kinds of kids with all sorts of troubles. Sometimes the problem is simply their behavior- but most of the time, their issues stem directly or indirectly from their parents. There are occasions when we get kids in that have somehow avoided being too damaged by their parents and yet have to stay with us because their parents are too irresponsible or unfit to care for them.
It is pretty often that we see siblings come in- either at the same time or different times. Occasionally, the siblings are both placed together on our unit. Most of the time the siblings seem disinterested with each other. They don't hang out together, sit together, or even really interact at all. This always struck me as odd considering that they are in a new place, probably a little freaked out, and here is a person you know. But I guess having a relative with you isn't always that comforting. However, sometimes we really see the brother/sister bond in action. Right now we have a brother and sister, and the brother just floors me. The sister came in first, earlier in the day. Later, when the brother was admitted, he politely went straight into the community area and searched for his little sister. He had brought her a book from home that he knew she wanted and the reunion was almost a tear-jerker. Over the last couple of days I have watched him with her. This morning at breakfast he wanted to make sure she was eating and had everything she needed- getting up to get her milk for her cereal and sort of watching over her while she ate. Later today, he was discussing how some administrators thought that he might run from our facility, and he responded by saying that he would never leave his sister. At one point he was doing his laundry and went to her room to make her gather up her clothes so that he could wash them with his. Even tonight when it was time for the kids to go to their rooms, he stood in the doorway of his room making sure she was doing what she was supposed to do, and reminding her to listen to instructions. It is so rare to see this kind of nurturing behavior in these kids, and to see it from an older sibling to a younger one is really touching.
It made me think about how lucky I am to have a brother that would do that for me- that has always watched over me like that. We haven't always gotten along, but once we passed the petty kid stuff, all he has really done is look out for me. It really made me think about people that don't get a chance to have that sibling bond and what a gift it really is.
Anyway, just made me think. In this job where I see nothing but people doing horrible things to their kids, and then their kids in turn being horrible to other kids, a little compassion and nurturing really tugs at you, and I am able to see how special that really is.
It is pretty often that we see siblings come in- either at the same time or different times. Occasionally, the siblings are both placed together on our unit. Most of the time the siblings seem disinterested with each other. They don't hang out together, sit together, or even really interact at all. This always struck me as odd considering that they are in a new place, probably a little freaked out, and here is a person you know. But I guess having a relative with you isn't always that comforting. However, sometimes we really see the brother/sister bond in action. Right now we have a brother and sister, and the brother just floors me. The sister came in first, earlier in the day. Later, when the brother was admitted, he politely went straight into the community area and searched for his little sister. He had brought her a book from home that he knew she wanted and the reunion was almost a tear-jerker. Over the last couple of days I have watched him with her. This morning at breakfast he wanted to make sure she was eating and had everything she needed- getting up to get her milk for her cereal and sort of watching over her while she ate. Later today, he was discussing how some administrators thought that he might run from our facility, and he responded by saying that he would never leave his sister. At one point he was doing his laundry and went to her room to make her gather up her clothes so that he could wash them with his. Even tonight when it was time for the kids to go to their rooms, he stood in the doorway of his room making sure she was doing what she was supposed to do, and reminding her to listen to instructions. It is so rare to see this kind of nurturing behavior in these kids, and to see it from an older sibling to a younger one is really touching.
It made me think about how lucky I am to have a brother that would do that for me- that has always watched over me like that. We haven't always gotten along, but once we passed the petty kid stuff, all he has really done is look out for me. It really made me think about people that don't get a chance to have that sibling bond and what a gift it really is.
Anyway, just made me think. In this job where I see nothing but people doing horrible things to their kids, and then their kids in turn being horrible to other kids, a little compassion and nurturing really tugs at you, and I am able to see how special that really is.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Birthdays
When I was little, I so looked forward to my birthdays. One reason was that my parents always made my birthdays so much fun. My Mom would hide my presents around the house (one year I found a plastic horse in the refrigerator). Not only that, but I looked forward to getting older. When I was 10, all I wanted to be was 16. When I was 16, I was holding on for 18. When I was 18, I was waiting for 21- not because I was dying to drink legally ( I didn't drink at all when I turned 21), but because it is like you have met all of the checkpoints for life and now you have officially arrived. However, I would have preferred to stay at 21. I said it then, and I will say it now. Once you have reached 21, there is really no reason to get any older and now every birthday is like an insult. I try to think about what I did that mattered the year before and sometimes I can't come up with anything. So basically, it feels like someone is just stacking bricks on a board. When you start out, you want enough bricks to be in the game. But after that, they just keep stacking and stacking, and it feels like faster and faster, until the board breaks and the game is over. So, I guess you can deduce that I am not thrilled about turning 26. I know, I know, it sounds young to the people who are further along in the game, but to me, I have reached a point where the stacking is going too quickly and I would like a time out. Whoa there. Time. Out.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
A Difficult Day
Today is a hard day for myself and many of my closest childhood friends. Usually, November 9th comes and goes with only a small group of people who were there knowing about the tragedy that took place. Isn't it interesting how life is? There are certain days in individual's lives that bring up such feelings of happiness, or sadness, and yet to another person that day is just like any other and we are isolated in that aspect of individuality. I actually feel lucky that I have a dozen people at least who were there and can share it, so I'm not alone. But then it occurred to me that now I have this blog as an outlet for that, and I can just put it out there for those of you that have a day (or days) that bring back bad memories.
It is amazing because it was 11 years ago now. I was 14 years old. Back then 11 years away seemed like an eternity, and looking back it feels like it just happened. Those of you who know me well know that I grew up riding horses at a barn close to my house. I was there day and night for years on end with my horse and a dozen of the closest friends any young girl could wish to have. We were like a pack of barn rats that literally grew up in that barn. Our horses were definitely more to us than barnyard animals. They were our comrades. We spent every day with them and not an hour went by when we weren't at the barn that we didn't think of them or plan out our next great adventure from high on their backs.
We used to walk from middle school in a big group down to the barn every afternoon- rain, snow, heat- nothing kept us away. In short, there was nothing more dear to us than our horses and each other.
On the morning of November 9th I woke up early at my house with two other friends from the barn. We always had sleepovers on the weekends but because there were so many of us we often ended up breaking into groups so we wouldn't drive our parents crazy... My Mom wasn't home and I thought that was weird since it was around 6AM on a weekend- I found a note that she had written that she was at the barn, so I immediately thought (as any 14 year old would ) that she was off planning my surprise birthday party. A little after that, my Mom came home and I'll never forget she walked into my bedroom where my friends and I were, and informed us that the barn had burned down that morning. We started screaming and crying and turned on the television. There was the barn on the news, engulfed in flames and gone. We then found out that only 1 horse out of 14 horses in the barn had survived. My horse and a couple others had been saved due to randomly being in the pasture that night. The rest of my friends horses were killed.
We immediately drove to the barn and the rest of our friends were there. There are two things about it that I will never forget- the first look at the barn, and the smell. The entire barn was gone. Laying on top of the ash were the bodies of all of the horses, spaced out in their individual stalls- their blankets had burned off of their bodies. I'll skip the disturbing details, but you can imagine that seeing this through 14 year old eyes is almost unimaginable. Looking back on it now, we spent that entire day guarding the barn. We sat in front of it, and the dead horses, and made it clear that no reporter or stranger was welcome. We sat there all day, like baby animals refusing to leave their dead mother. We watched the truck come and load the horses' bodies. That night we all slept together at a house nearby and I will never forget falling asleep to the sounds of my friends weeping in the darkness and the smell coming in through an open window.
The next day we had a memorial service. We gathered mementos and buried them in a box to be unearthed 20 years from the day. For a long time the land where the barn once stood was covered with piles of dirt- a constant reminder of our loss. We even found bones there while playing one day. We had a temporary barn that was terrible and it was in the middle of winter. But we kept going. People shared horses and we even went to an annual horse show and won first place. After time went by, my friends got new horses- they could never replace those lost, but forged their own special place in our history.
I'm not telling you this story to ruin your day- cause it's a bummer. But the point is the durability of the human spirit- especially that of a child. We literally watched a truck haul away the dead bodies of these horses, but we were so strong. The barn was eventually rebuilt (much nicer) and we all grew up over time and went in our own separate directions. Some of us don't even know each other anymore. The people that ride at the barn now don't even know about how there was an old barn and the tragedy that leveled it. But every year on November 9th, when I pull up to the barn to lay flowers down in memory of the day, there are piles of flowers there already because my friends who were there will never forget. On this day we're are all in the same time- November 9th, 1997- and it's a day that forever changed our lives.
It is amazing because it was 11 years ago now. I was 14 years old. Back then 11 years away seemed like an eternity, and looking back it feels like it just happened. Those of you who know me well know that I grew up riding horses at a barn close to my house. I was there day and night for years on end with my horse and a dozen of the closest friends any young girl could wish to have. We were like a pack of barn rats that literally grew up in that barn. Our horses were definitely more to us than barnyard animals. They were our comrades. We spent every day with them and not an hour went by when we weren't at the barn that we didn't think of them or plan out our next great adventure from high on their backs.
We used to walk from middle school in a big group down to the barn every afternoon- rain, snow, heat- nothing kept us away. In short, there was nothing more dear to us than our horses and each other.
On the morning of November 9th I woke up early at my house with two other friends from the barn. We always had sleepovers on the weekends but because there were so many of us we often ended up breaking into groups so we wouldn't drive our parents crazy... My Mom wasn't home and I thought that was weird since it was around 6AM on a weekend- I found a note that she had written that she was at the barn, so I immediately thought (as any 14 year old would ) that she was off planning my surprise birthday party. A little after that, my Mom came home and I'll never forget she walked into my bedroom where my friends and I were, and informed us that the barn had burned down that morning. We started screaming and crying and turned on the television. There was the barn on the news, engulfed in flames and gone. We then found out that only 1 horse out of 14 horses in the barn had survived. My horse and a couple others had been saved due to randomly being in the pasture that night. The rest of my friends horses were killed.
We immediately drove to the barn and the rest of our friends were there. There are two things about it that I will never forget- the first look at the barn, and the smell. The entire barn was gone. Laying on top of the ash were the bodies of all of the horses, spaced out in their individual stalls- their blankets had burned off of their bodies. I'll skip the disturbing details, but you can imagine that seeing this through 14 year old eyes is almost unimaginable. Looking back on it now, we spent that entire day guarding the barn. We sat in front of it, and the dead horses, and made it clear that no reporter or stranger was welcome. We sat there all day, like baby animals refusing to leave their dead mother. We watched the truck come and load the horses' bodies. That night we all slept together at a house nearby and I will never forget falling asleep to the sounds of my friends weeping in the darkness and the smell coming in through an open window.
The next day we had a memorial service. We gathered mementos and buried them in a box to be unearthed 20 years from the day. For a long time the land where the barn once stood was covered with piles of dirt- a constant reminder of our loss. We even found bones there while playing one day. We had a temporary barn that was terrible and it was in the middle of winter. But we kept going. People shared horses and we even went to an annual horse show and won first place. After time went by, my friends got new horses- they could never replace those lost, but forged their own special place in our history.
I'm not telling you this story to ruin your day- cause it's a bummer. But the point is the durability of the human spirit- especially that of a child. We literally watched a truck haul away the dead bodies of these horses, but we were so strong. The barn was eventually rebuilt (much nicer) and we all grew up over time and went in our own separate directions. Some of us don't even know each other anymore. The people that ride at the barn now don't even know about how there was an old barn and the tragedy that leveled it. But every year on November 9th, when I pull up to the barn to lay flowers down in memory of the day, there are piles of flowers there already because my friends who were there will never forget. On this day we're are all in the same time- November 9th, 1997- and it's a day that forever changed our lives.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
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