I hate doing statistics.

I don't hate statistics- in fact, I like statistics. I like knowing useless information like how much the average human head weighs or how many people can chew gum AND rub their stomachs at the same time. I like that crap. HOWEVER. I do not like doing it. I prefer to read about it in a magazine or the newspaper but certainly not create it myself on my very own Excel spreadsheet. Which brings me to my next topic. My fiery hot hatred for Excel. I am sure it is a brilliant program and I am happy that whomever calculates the average head weight has it in their toolbelt. I however wish I had never heard of it. Like all of the other things that we choose not to learn about. When I flush the toilet, I don't wonder where exactly it goes...just as long as it goes. Same thing with Excel spreadsheets. I don't care how the people who come up with random and important statistics come up with them. That doesn't concern me. They should all be underground using this program in secret.
I have homework due in 24 hours that involves this Excel spread sheet and I actually getting along. Right now, we are not speaking eachothers language. I say something, and then it does something totally opposite of what I thought I was asking (one of my favorites being shutting down completely...love that.) I know it is not the spreadsheet's fault that I am a moron with A.D.D. and can't stand doing this crap on a Sunday afternoon. I know. But it still doesn't get to avoid my fiery hot hatred for it. If I could turn my spreadsheet into a physical thing I would tar and feather it first. Then I would burn it's edges...slowly. Finally, I would tell it that it can either make the elusive "data analysis" option that I CAN'T FIND ON MY FRICKEN COMPUTER appear, or it will be taking a flying leap out of my fourth story window...flaming all the way down. In my little fantasy it caves under the pressure, stops hiding the data analysis option, and I go about my spreadsheet work with uninterrupted cooperation. Oh I hope all of my Excel dreams come true.