Term Papers

I just finished my last undergraduate term paper. I am sitting here a little dazed because when you're in college, it seems as though you will have to write papers for the rest of your life (I guess in some professions you would have to). I however, plan on finding a career that doesn't include the following skills that I was forced to learn in the now 16 years that I have been in school. Below are my top 5 skills that fall under the "circus monkey" category of things I was forced to learn and imagine I will never have to use again:

1. I refuse to ever use the quadratic equation. Ever, ever again. If my job depends on it, I plan on giving my boss the finger, gathering my things, and saying, "peace out."

2. I will never use mean, median, and mode again. Ever. Now, I may calculate the average of something...but I will not use the word "mean." And what the hell is median all about? I'm sorry, but I just don't see the "middle" item being an accurate way of measuring something. I mean, if it comes down to that, why bother? Why not just guess? flip a coin.

3. I will not take the time to point out argument fallacies such as a "red herring". If I decide someone is arguing poorly, I may just employ the above option of giving them the finger, gathering my things, and saying "peace out." OR, I may just kick them in the shins.

4. I will NEVER, EVER, EVER again memorize the stages of mitosis, or for that matter, meiosis. I DON"T CARE. Yeah, it was interesting the first time. You know, when I was in 6th grade. It's not that interesting anymore. I'm glad I know that's how it happens. It's no longer a mystery. Now shut up about it.

5. I also will never again try to remember the difference between reliability and validity. First of all, they go together so why the hell did someone name them with such similarly sounding names? that's bullshit. You know what's reliable? When it comes to research methods, I don't care about reliability and validity. At All.

I'm sure that I could expand my list, but these are the things that seem to really haunt me throughout school. It's not that they are that difficult- it's just that they never seem to go away. In fact, if I go to grad school someone will probably end up busting out the quadratic equation just so that I feel like I want to punch myself in the face.

Anyway, I am almost done being a circus monkey. Only a few last hoops to jump through and then I'm done....until I decide to jump through grad school hoops - which are probably ten times bigger...and flaming.